After the Jewish funeral ceremony is over, a procession to the cemetery will occur. If you plan on attending the graveside portion of the funeral, here are some customs you need to keep in mind:
- The burial in the ground (k’vurah b’karka) is the most important part of the funeral. Therefore, everyone who is able should make every effort to “accompany the deceased” (levayah) to the cemetery.
- When you arrive at the cemetery, refrain from greeting the grieving family. They will take their seats, and the guests should stand behind them.
- The pall bearers carry the casket from the hearse to the gravesite. For some communities, the pall bearers momentarily stop seven times to say prayer. The main reason for this custom is to recognize that this is a challenging task and there is no rush to complete it.
- A rabbi or officiant will lead the group in a series of prayers including the Mourners Kaddish. As different Rabbis have differing standards and procedures they follow, please take direction from the Rabbi.
- After lowering the casket, it is then appropriate for all attendees to participate in the actual burial by shoveling earth into the grave, as it is the primary responsibility of the family and the community. Sometimes soil from Israel is also placed on the casket.
- Once the graveside service has concluded, the other guests form two rows. In this way the guests create a sheltered walkway for the bereaved family to walk through. As the family walks by, say the traditional words of consolation, “Hamakom y'nachem etchem b'toch sh'ar availai tziyon ee yerushalayim”. You can also say these words in English if you feel like you may mispronounce them, “May the Almighty comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” Do not approach the family; simply recite the words as they pass. However, if they approach you, it is acceptable to respond with a gentle hug and kind, comforting words.
- Under strict Jewish burial customs, women exit the gravesite first followed by men.